Thursday, July 31, 2014

Summer Currents

August descends. The weather has been a little odd so far, with plenty of rain but in massive thundershowers which dump inches of water at a time. It has turned autumn-cool. I wonder if the coming winter will be harsh. The Mrs. continues to see her boyfriend, and the prospect of any type of reconciliation (were such possible)has dwindled. I stay permanently here in a mid-town condo, just signed a renewal of the lease. I'm through with the "Early Golden Girls" d├ęcor put together with the hand-me-down furniture and loans from the kids. I'm not running from the situation anymore, living in a self-made homeless shelter. I'm settling in, now, and am prepared to go forward from here. I'm just one of those people for whom it takes much longer to grasp a situation, assess it, and assimilate it. We're out there--we are not few in number. It just takes us a little longer than most folks. Work goes apace. It is no longer a refuge from a situation which was unbearable. Now, it's a job. And I no longer allow it to control me. I had a houseguest I threw out last week. Guy down on his luck, just needed some breathing space to get his act together and get his life straightened out. Well, eight months later there's no progress on that, but when I learned how much damage he'd done to his part of the place, there was just no excuse. I threw him out. Freeloader, mooch, user . . . all are terms others use. I just call it inexcusable acceptance of charity. So I sit here now, in a quiet place, nothing suddenly missing or used up or disappeared (or sold out from under me). Kinda nice.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Daddies and their kids

I'm there in the courtroom, my newbie about to try his first case. It's simple, he's done enough depositions by now and even done direct examination on a witness already in one of my team's attorney's cases. So he's ready. I've prepped him. I'm an ever watchful parent. Opposing counsel arrives, a little older than me, accompanied by his daughter, who's going to be trying--he's decided--her first case, too. And they sit at the other lawyer's table, and he's fussing over her and the exhibits like a dad seeing his daughter go off on her first date. The judge--who's as old as we are and before whom we've litigated for decades--makes the comment (laughingly) that the two of us should go somewhere. As I realize that I'm fussing over exhibits and such just like opposing counsel is, I decide to do the right thing. I walked over to the other lawyer and invited him out for coffee, encouraged him. A little befuddled, he put the exhibits down and as the two newbies stared in grateful shock, I waved to them both. And we exited. Time to leave the kids alone. It was the right decision. He and I had a nice cup of coffee together across from the courtroom, and after a bit I got a text from my newbie that it was over and where was I? My companion and I crossed the street, got our baby lawyers, and went on our respective ways. And as I drove my guy and I back to Atlanta to the office, I turned to him and said, "You're welcome." He just grinned.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

April Tides

It was a long winter. Work was grueling and taxing. The Christmas holidays were overwhelming with bitter sadness over family matters. The combination led me to resume smoking after having quit twenty years ago. But in muddling through things, I have at length come into my own. I understand that what was before, is now foreclosed. All things must be made new again. I'm starting out new, without obligations . . . other than work. And all this got worked out while watching a dress rehearsal of Macbeth which opens tomorrow night in Atlanta. Good grief, I think I've got problems. So much death and mayhem and madness. But the production did one scene which lifted me out of my chair in perverse horror: Lady Macbeth's death. Oh, for generations, this scene is played by Macbeth looking at a candle, lamenting his wife's passing: "she should have died hereafter; there would have been a time for such a thing. Out, out brief candle. Life's but a flickering shadow, a poor player which struts and frets its time upon the stage and then is heard no more. A tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." But what happened on stage was this: maid comes out and announces the queen is dead. Macbeth in open grief, then filled with rage. advances on the maid, grabs her throat with his right hand and lifts her off the floor. He slings her onto the floor, kneels down and with that right hand strangles her. As she struggles pointlessly, he looks up and off to the left, saying calmly, "she should have died hereafter; there would have been a time for such a thing." The writhing beneath his right hand subsides. He turn and looks down to the right at the dead maid, slowly removing his and hand gesturing over her body: "out, out brief candle....life is but a flickering shadow....." as he slowly rises looking at the body nonchalantly. Wow.