Friday, May 15, 2015

Later on in the Avenues

It's been a while since I posted here. I tried to resurrect my first post--from 2007--but it appeared as being fresh, and not the original post. OK. So it's May 15th. Just got out of a law school graduation for one of my mentees through the bar association. Two and a half years, I've helped him--we've both helped each other--academically, and personally. I am so proud of the guy. This is the second mentee I've seen graduate. I hope my help during the years has been beneficial to them. There were several deaths in the family last week; two funerals. The first was everyone coming together; the second was filled with drama and bloodletting. D-1 and I had a chance to talk; I hope her anger over my coming out is something she can work through, since instead of directing it at me, she's blasting it all over the family, and had been creating harm and havoc, hopefully not irreparable. D-2 has re-enrolled in school to change professions from saving the Earth to saving people medically. More immediate results; better pay. She studying to take the MCAT, in fact. The Mrs. and I have been working our way through structuring a new relationship. We deeply care about one another, and have psychological profiles which leave us involved with one another. I've taken in a tenant, a 20 year old college student, for various reasons. I had not counted on raising another kid, though, and he's doing all the stuff kids that age do. Phone calls in the middle of the night 'cause the car got booted; broken heart stuff; lots of energy and drive but no direction. And an absolutely total absence about what laundry and kitchen cleanup is all about. Work continues, and intensifies. Busy from sunup to sundown. In Public practice I find I work harder than I have ever worked in my life. As as for me? I'm lonely. There's no one there to make me feel special, to make me feel safe. To make me feel like I count. And at my age, that's as deep a void as it is for anyone else.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Better late than Never

News reports indicate that blogging has peaked, that it is on its decline and only the most dedicated and persevering will continue with it. Well, I'm reminded of Rhett Butler as he left out to defend what was left of the South---a lover of lost causes. I'm starting, and I'm here.

It's a miserable, wet, gray day; yesterday was wonderful, clear blue sky and moderate temperatures. But just as the weather changes, so do the avenues of life we travel down, and this blog will chronicle my avenues, and those trod by the near and dear about me.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The Truth

We sat there, the two of us, with the therapist. Traffic had kept me late; I walked in 20 minutes into the session. We got to it immediately. I told her to her face from the bottom of my soul my love for her. And she told me she loved two men. The therapist questioned, so--bob--how do you feel about an open marriage? Ah!! Time's up; sessions over. I will not share her heart. Perhaps everything else is negotiable, but not that. And with that realization, I came into my own. Immediately, totally, painlessly. I have great worth--greater than anyone else's. Certainly his. And she's not willing to love me exclusively. The drive back, this evening, I was overwhelmed with a total absence of hurt (that's over with) or disorientation. I have value. I have worth. And I am definitely worth the effort. And she's not willing to pay the price.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Pulling it all together

Living apart from the wife now for almost a year and a half. Seeing a counselor with the wife and the younger adult daughter about how this all affects us. Estranged from the older daughter due to her behavior. Just now no longer reeling from the sudden passing of my sister. All those disparate periods of my life colliding and jostling and rubbing up against one another, sliding over one another as they juxtapose depending on the company I'm in or where I am. And suddenly they all consolidate, become one. I'm me. Thank God.